Living a 220 life

Balancing a surrendered life

As I dig into the teachings of Jesus the concept that continues to jump out at me is His call for an extreme change of life. Somehow, many Christians today have developed this idea that a Christian is meant to be a very mild, middle of the road, conservative who never rocks the boat in any way. We’re meant to be financially secure, completely family oriented, and perfect in every way. I’m being a bit facetious here but many people have views that aren’t too far off from this. Somehow Christianity has become synonymous with boring and conservative. My friends, as you dig into the life of Jesus you’ll find that He was anything but boring and conservative; no He was radical and very progressive. So how do we balance our stable family life with the call to follow our radical God?

In Luke 14:26-27 we find Jesus teaching, “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison–your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters–yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.” Ok, at first glance this is pretty extreme. I mean, this seems to have crazy cult written all over it. However, when this teaching is taken in context with everything else Jesus taught, you’ll find a deep calling to surrender your life as a servant to those around you. Rather than a call to sever all ties with friends and family, you’ll find a call to strengthen all ties with friends and family…with a twist. Let me explain.

Scripture teaches us in 1 Timothy 5:8, “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.” Scripture never contradicts itself and therefore this Timothy passage must be in unison with the Luke verse, though they seem at odds. Timothy makes it very clear that we are not to abandon our family in order to follow Jesus. Luke makes it very clear that we are to love Jesus above everything else in life, including our own life. Though these verses seem at odds they actually fit perfectly. You see, our human understanding is warped by sin. We think we know how to love our family best but we don’t. Let me offer an example.

Imagine you have no idea what an automobile is or what it’s capable of. You have the desire to travel a great, great distance in order to show your love for someone. However, the distance is so great that you’ll never be able to walk there in your lifetime but you don’t know this. Jesus shows up with the nicest of sports cars and tells you to stop walking; in fact, stop doing anything you could do to move toward your goal. Just hop in this nice sports car and allow the car to take you to your goal. Now, to us this seems like a no brainer because we know the capabilities of a car. However, to someone who has no idea what a car is it would be pretty crazy to stop showing your love by halting your march toward the goal. The problem is this: you’ll never actually achieve your goal unless you get in the car! The same is true with loving your family and friends. You’ll never actually love them until you surrender everything to Jesus and love Him first.

The beloved disciple John explains this concept to us best when he writes, “We love each other because He loved us first.” (1John 4:19) Do you see this? We can’t love each other without the love of Jesus in our lives! Friends, when you step into a relationship with Jesus it’s like you’re putting on a supernatural love amplifier. Without the amplifier you can attempt to love but it won’t happen; once it’s on you’ll love like you never could before. The problem is that people don’t want to completely put the amplifier on. Remember the call from Jesus in Luke; it’s not a simple acknowledgement of Jesus as Lord…no, it’s a complete surrender of your life to Him. He must be your first and primary love. Only by seeking Him above all else is He able to guide your daily actions in order to love those around you.

You see, when you’re surrendered to Jesus and your daily actions are guided by His Word it’s actually Jesus loving those around you through you. If you desire to love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, if you desire to love anyone, the only way to do it is through complete surrender to Jesus. Sometimes He’ll call you to do something you don’t understand. It might even look like it’s unloving to a family member, but you must trust Him. I’ve made some very difficult decisions based on His Word that eventually revealed His infinite love which I couldn’t originally see. My friends, trust me, when you live day by day surrendered to Him it will ALWAYS work out. It might be tough at first but He will never let you down. AMEN!

Are you married to a fool?

In 1 Samuel 25 we get the story about David, Nabal, and Abigail; a story rich with lessons in both marriage and faith. Though the story could produce enough lessons to fill a book, I’d like to focus only on a few. I first need to start with a reminder from Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Folks, no matter your situation you are to both love and respect your spouse. We love and respect not because they’ve earned it but because we’re commanded to do so.

In 1 Samuel 25:25 we find Abigail explaining to David that her husband Nabal is a fool, “For as his name is, so is he; Nabal”. The name Nabal literally means fool. Now folks, let me first say, when you’re dating someone, if you find out their name is “fool” you might really want to reconsider the relationship. However, if you’re so smitten with love for “fool” and find yourself married to him/her and begin to reconsider I have further advice. 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 says, “If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.” Once you’re married you’re called to love and respect your spouse unconditionally. However, Abigail offers us a great look at a wife who finds herself married to a “harsh and evil” (25:3) fool.

Nabal acts foolishly and offends David by treating him badly. David in turn prepares to destroy the entire house of Nabal. Abigail finds out David is preparing to kill them all and acts quickly. In verse 24 Abigail pleads, “So she fell at his (David) feet and said: ‘On me, my lord, on me let this iniquity be! And please let your maidservant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your maidservant.” Understand, Abigails husband, who caused this whole mess, is off getting drunk at this point. (v36) Abigail did not have a great spiritual leader for a husband. Ladies, I understand so many of you desperately want your husband to be the spiritual leader he’s called to be but he just won’t do it. Don’t give up. He may be a Nabal or he may be may be a Saul who hasn’t been transformed into a Paul yet. Continue respecting him and praying for his spiritual leadership.

However, Abigail demonstrates that though the woman is called to follow her husband it’s not a blind following. Ladies, you are NEVER called to follow your husband into sin. NEVER! The only way for you to follow his leadership and to know when to not follow is to be so close to the Lord that you completely understand His will and His Word. Ladies, I encourage you: spend much time in the Word and at the Masters feet that you might be an Abigail to your husband.

Men, are you living like a Nabal right now? Understand, your actions have consequences for everyone when you’re the leader. Nabal’s foolishness created the situation in verse 34, “For indeed, as the Lord God of Israel lives, who has kept me back from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, surely by morning light no males would have been left to Nabal.” Guys, wake up! We are the leaders of our families and one family at a time, we’re the leaders of this Nation. We can’t afford to live like Nabal. If you’re not leading your family spiritually, if you’re not moving both yourself and your wife closer to the Lord, you need to take a close look at your life. Where are your priorities? Are you Nabal? Ask your Abigail, she’ll tell you.

Friends, if you find yourself in a Nabal-Abigail relationship there’s still hope. We serve an amazing God who acts in mighty ways. I beg you, seek help from other mature believers. Begin walking with mature Christan friends and developing your personal walk with Jesus. As your personal walk grows, your marriage will also grow. If you can’t find any believers to walk with you, contact Beth and I, we’ll walk with you. AMEN!

A bit about our marriage

I must be honest, Beth and I are not perfect; far from it. Well, Beth is much closer than I am, but still, neither of us are perfect. We’ve had our moments and some pretty heated arguments. We’re normal. However, despite being imperfect people we share an amazing marriage relationship. Beth is my best friend and greatest fan. While I was reading in Joshua a couple days ago I stumbled upon a couple verses that brought to light a few characteristics that have helped Beth and I maintain our relationship.

In Joshua 15:16-19 we read, “And Caleb said, ‘He who attacks Kiriath Sepher and takes it, to him I will give Achsah my daughter as wife.’ So Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it; and he gave him Achsah his daughter as wife. Now it was so, when she came to him, that she persuaded him to ask her father for a field. So she dismounted from her donkey, and Caleb said to her, ‘What do you wish?’ She answered, ‘Give me a blessing; since you have given me land in the South, give me also springs of water.’ So he gave her the upper springs and the lower springs.”

Friends, the pieces that stood out to me were these: 1. He risked his life to win the wife and 2. As wife she increased his life. Ok, I guess I didn’t need to make them ryhme but it was fun. Guys, our wives want to feel like we’re willing to risk our lives to win them as our mate. Do you cherish your wife? Are you willing to do anything simply to gain her hand? You may not need to conquer a city but you will need to surrender your life in order to win her. She needs that and deserves that.

Ladies, do you see what she did as a new bride? She immediately began increasing her husband. She persuaded him. She didn’t control or nag or demand; no she persuaded. Women are great at that. Beth is a master at persuading me and I love it. Consider this, men may be the head that leads the family but the wife is the neck that guides the head.

Ladies, men need to feel like a knight in shining armor. We were made to conquer cities in order to win your heart. We want to feel that way. We need your unconditional respect and we need your support. The age old saying, ‘Behind every great man is a great woman’ is very true. Ladies, you have the power to build your husband or destroy your husband. Which do you want; a defeated and deflated shell of a man or a confident, strong, loving man who adores you? Then build him that way!

Folks, I only share these characteristics because I’ve seen how they can transform a good relationship into an amazing relationship. Obviously more goes into a good working marriage, but these pieces are key and can be worked on starting today. Guys, commit to falling in love with your wife all over again. Ladies, commit to respecting your husband no mater what. And above all folks, serve the Lord together with a passion equal or greater than the love you have for each other! AMEN!

SEX in the Bible

Yes, the Bible talks about sex. The passage I’m looking at is in 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 and is speaking about the principles of marriage. Sex is a major part of marriage and the Bible gives great guidance about this aspect of the marriage relationship. The cool thing is this: the Bible prefaces sex with some guidance to both the man and the woman for the relationship leading up to sex. Let me show you. 1 Corinthians 7:3 explains, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”

Now guys, the ladies don’t typically have an issue showing affection but a lot of men do. Notice the verse addresses husbands first and tells us to render the affection due her. How much is due her? Ask her. She’ll tell you. The amount of affection due her is the amount of affection she needs to feel loved by you. When you signed up to be her husband you signed up for the task of giving her all the affection she needs to feel loved. Remember, it’s not about you guys. I don’t care if you feel awkward showing her affection; the Bible says do it.

Now ladies, this verse also tells you to show your husband the affection due him. This affection will probably look more like respect than it does a touchy feely type of affection. Men need this. Men want to feel like the knight in shining armor for you. “But he doesn’t deserve respect” you say. Doesn’t matter ladies. The Bible tells him to love you no matter what and tells you to do the same. Remember, it’s not about you, the Bible says do it.

The concept “it’s not about you” comes up in the next verse when we read, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” Wow, imagine if you both completely surrendered to each other. What a beautiful relationship. However, men seem to be guilty more than woman of finding a few passages talking about women submitting to men. Yes, guys, women are called to submit to the men; but you also are called to surrender your body to her. That’s how God designed marriage. He did not design marriage to be a dictatorship run by Hitler. Now, with the husband and wife showing the proper affection and surrendered to each other we step into verse 5, the sex verse.

1 Corinthians 7:5, the sex verse, says, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Friends, the Bible says to have sex with your spouse. That’s so fun to say in a devotional. (Smile) But really, the Lord designed us for intimacy and the act of sex with your spouse, when prefaced with appropriate affection and surrender, is a beautiful gift from God. The act becomes very ugly and destroys lives when verse 3 and 4 are not the foundation.

My friends, if you’re married I pray you’ll consider verses 3 and 4 in your marriage. Show your spouse the appropriate affection and surrender your body to your spouse. In addition, it is my priveledge to tell you, as verse 3 and 4 are present in your marriage, the Bible tells you to have much sex. Don’t deprive your spouse but enjoy your spouse. Your body is not your own but it has been surrendered to your spouse on your wedding day. AMEN!

Ignite a passionate marriage!

Friends, I’ve posted a new page entitled, “Ignite a passionate marriage!” Proverbs 5:15-19 offers us a wonderful teaching point in order to develope a passionate marriage. Though the page is a bit longer than most of my posts, I encourage you to read through it with the intent of hearing the Lord’s voice for your marriage. Simply click on the linked title above to be taken to the page. I pray that this message would impact you and your marriage as much as it has me and mine. AMEN!