In Luke 14:26-27 we find Jesus teaching, “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison–your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters–yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.” Ok, at first glance this is pretty extreme. I mean, this seems to have crazy cult written all over it. However, when this teaching is taken in context with everything else Jesus taught, you’ll find a deep calling to surrender your life as a servant to those around you. Rather than a call to sever all ties with friends and family, you’ll find a call to strengthen all ties with friends and family…with a twist. Let me explain.

Scripture teaches us in 1 Timothy 5:8, “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.” Scripture never contradicts itself and therefore this Timothy passage must be in unison with the Luke verse, though they seem at odds. Timothy makes it very clear that we are not to abandon our family in order to follow Jesus. Luke makes it very clear that we are to love Jesus above everything else in life, including our own life. Though these verses seem at odds they actually fit perfectly. You see, our human understanding is warped by sin. We think we know how to love our family best but we don’t. Let me offer an example.

Imagine you have no idea what an automobile is or what it’s capable of. You have the desire to travel a great, great distance in order to show your love for someone. However, the distance is so great that you’ll never be able to walk there in your lifetime but you don’t know this. Jesus shows up with the nicest of sports cars and tells you to stop walking; in fact, stop doing anything you could do to move toward your goal. Just hop in this nice sports car and allow the car to take you to your goal. Now, to us this seems like a no brainer because we know the capabilities of a car. However, to someone who has no idea what a car is it would be pretty crazy to stop showing your love by halting your march toward the goal. The problem is this: you’ll never actually achieve your goal unless you get in the car! The same is true with loving your family and friends. You’ll never actually love them until you surrender everything to Jesus and love Him first.

The beloved disciple John explains this concept to us best when he writes, “We love each other because He loved us first.” (1John 4:19) Do you see this? We can’t love each other without the love of Jesus in our lives! Friends, when you step into a relationship with Jesus it’s like you’re putting on a supernatural love amplifier. Without the amplifier you can attempt to love but it won’t happen; once it’s on you’ll love like you never could before. The problem is that people don’t want to completely put the amplifier on. Remember the call from Jesus in Luke; it’s not a simple acknowledgement of Jesus as Lord…no, it’s a complete surrender of your life to Him. He must be your first and primary love. Only by seeking Him above all else is He able to guide your daily actions in order to love those around you.

You see, when you’re surrendered to Jesus and your daily actions are guided by His Word it’s actually Jesus loving those around you through you. If you desire to love your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, if you desire to love anyone, the only way to do it is through complete surrender to Jesus. Sometimes He’ll call you to do something you don’t understand. It might even look like it’s unloving to a family member, but you must trust Him. I’ve made some very difficult decisions based on His Word that eventually revealed His infinite love which I couldn’t originally see. My friends, trust me, when you live day by day surrendered to Him it will ALWAYS work out. It might be tough at first but He will never let you down. AMEN!

In 1 Samuel 25:25 we find Abigail explaining to David that her husband Nabal is a fool, “For as his name is, so is he; Nabal”. The name Nabal literally means fool. Now folks, let me first say, when you’re dating someone, if you find out their name is “fool” you might really want to reconsider the relationship. However, if you’re so smitten with love for “fool” and find yourself married to him/her and begin to reconsider I have further advice. 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 says, “If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.” Once you’re married you’re called to love and respect your spouse unconditionally. However, Abigail offers us a great look at a wife who finds herself married to a “harsh and evil” (25:3) fool.

Nabal acts foolishly and offends David by treating him badly. David in turn prepares to destroy the entire house of Nabal. Abigail finds out David is preparing to kill them all and acts quickly. In verse 24 Abigail pleads, “So she fell at his (David) feet and said: ‘On me, my lord, on me let this iniquity be! And please let your maidservant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your maidservant.” Understand, Abigails husband, who caused this whole mess, is off getting drunk at this point. (v36) Abigail did not have a great spiritual leader for a husband. Ladies, I understand so many of you desperately want your husband to be the spiritual leader he’s called to be but he just won’t do it. Don’t give up. He may be a Nabal or he may be may be a Saul who hasn’t been transformed into a Paul yet. Continue respecting him and praying for his spiritual leadership.

However, Abigail demonstrates that though the woman is called to follow her husband it’s not a blind following. Ladies, you are NEVER called to follow your husband into sin. NEVER! The only way for you to follow his leadership and to know when to not follow is to be so close to the Lord that you completely understand His will and His Word. Ladies, I encourage you: spend much time in the Word and at the Masters feet that you might be an Abigail to your husband.

Men, are you living like a Nabal right now? Understand, your actions have consequences for everyone when you’re the leader. Nabal’s foolishness created the situation in verse 34, “For indeed, as the Lord God of Israel lives, who has kept me back from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, surely by morning light no males would have been left to Nabal.” Guys, wake up! We are the leaders of our families and one family at a time, we’re the leaders of this Nation. We can’t afford to live like Nabal. If you’re not leading your family spiritually, if you’re not moving both yourself and your wife closer to the Lord, you need to take a close look at your life. Where are your priorities? Are you Nabal? Ask your Abigail, she’ll tell you.

Friends, if you find yourself in a Nabal-Abigail relationship there’s still hope. We serve an amazing God who acts in mighty ways. I beg you, seek help from other mature believers. Begin walking with mature Christan friends and developing your personal walk with Jesus. As your personal walk grows, your marriage will also grow. If you can’t find any believers to walk with you, contact Beth and I, we’ll walk with you. AMEN!